repeatedly crushed and maimed - hope you enjoy it!

*sigh*
today i spent the whole day at work cleaning out the shed. that's not entirely true. first i had lunch. then cleaned out the shed. and let me tell you, IT WAS GREAT. along with my 'feeling the same way about work' coworker, we took all the jugs, buckets, pvc pipe, boxes, tools, trinkets, junk, tape, bottles, maps, plastic sheeting, chicken wire, and whatever else was in the shed out of the shed, sorted it, chucked the stuff that we deemed un-useful at this point, and put it all back in so orderly, you wouldn't even know it was the same shed. i wish i took a before and after photo, but i didn't. you'll just have to take my word for it that you couldn't actually get anything out of there unless it was right on top or in the front.

in other news i'm still looking for a job.

in yet other news, i have been officially and intentionally forgotten about. and that hurts a lot.

in other, more happy news, i went to steep ravine this past weekend with my friend shelley, and it was a girls weekend (with 3 of her other friends) and it was MAGNIFICENT. wonderful time. i'm posting photos i'm so excited.

looking for a job is a drag

i tell you what. looking for a job is probably the worst thing i can think of to do with my time. so much, that i've taken to doing all sorts of other relatively unnecessary things around my apartment to avoid this hair pulling activity of job hunting. like yesterday, i cleaned out my closet. did ALL my laundry (sheets, towels, and all dirty clothes). reorganized the whole thing, and put everything into orderly stacks on the shelves. tried on a bunch of clothes i forgot i had. got rid of a bunch of shirts i don't wear much anymore (cause let's be honest, how many t-shirts does a person need, really?!?!) also ditched some socks that had holes in them. i know, wasteful.

been waging war against the ants that think it's their closet as well.

i also did a bunch of sudoku puzzles. made a bunch of phone calls. did the dishes - now, you know when i do the dishes, the task at hand must be REAL bad cause doing dishes is my #1 LEAST favorite chore, ever.

i took out the trash and the recycling. i listened to CDs i haven't listened to in a LONG time, maybe since i bought them. i read magazines to catch up on all the latest celebrity gossip - generally i do this while i'm doing laundry because my washer and dryer both run in cycles of 30 minutes, so i'm constantly getting up to go reset the dryer for another 30 minutes cause the clothes aren't dry. i feel it's good for me to read, even if it's all fluff. at least i'm reading, which is something i don't do that often.

i cleaned out the drawer i keep random papers in, you know how sometimes paper just accumulates on your counter or table or some other place? after awhile i get tired of looking at it and put it in a drawer. so i took that stack out and sorted through it and got rid of stuff i didn't need (credit card offers) and filed away things that needed filing (bill statements, pay stubs, etc.) there's still more of this in a paper shopping bag under my table, but i made good progress with the drawer.

i even worked on these motivational bags that i've been making for the rugby team (about 45 people). let me tell you, cutting out phrases from magazines and writing inspirational sayings with markers and trying to make each bag individual and cute is very time consuming.

but really, it's all an effort to NOT look for a job. i wish it was easier to find a good job without having to look so hard, and without having to go online to find one (i don't have internet at home) since i have to come to the computer lab to do all this looking, it's fine but it's not the comfort of my own home.

which is exactly why it's the perfect place for me to be right now.

my girls

just some of my favorite ruggers...

just a day just an ordinary day

thought i'd post an email i just sent off, in case people are actually wondering about my life...it's really hard right now, with emotional turmoil on overload and trying to find a new job and worrying slightly about what my future may hold...it's all the reason i haven't been blogging much but i feel like i should make time and explore my feelings more...

it's all true.

--------------
hi there,

went to the woods, collected a bunch of soil (it was very heavy) and got to show shelley around the park which was very fun. nice to have a day in the woods with her, letting her talk and tell her stories so i didn't have to talk about mine.

last night after we got off the phone, i called laurel who was already in davis (sweet!) and she came over and gave me a hug and i started bawling. i'm sure i'll get over this soon but maybe not completely, ever. till then i'm just an emotional nightmare waiting to happen. maybe you are too.

had some extremely weird dreams last night. reunions, trains, video games, swimming pools, running in the woods, narrators, this 30 foot tall creature that was similar to the blue woman from x-men...i mean really. where does my brain come up with all this stuff. and wouldn't it be more relaxing if i could just sleep without all the extra action going on?

got a sandwich for lunch today, which had WAY too much lettuce (which i didn't ask for) and not enough mustard. but it was otherwise good and edible. i ate 1/2 for lunch and 1/2 for late dinner (just now).

hope today was a good day for you. sometimes i like to rate my days - picked it up somewhere along the way. today was good. yesterday, not so good although i did get a hug from laurel (which i desperately needed) and had sushi with her and john which was also good, a redeeming quality of the day. i think i need to start writing in my journal again. when i have time, like, when i'm not looking for a job all the time.

probably going to work 1/2 day tomorrow then throw myself into job hunting. can't wait. wait. yes i can.

missing you terribly,
me '99 :)

struggling

communication can be so difficult sometimes. trying to figure out what someone says when they say whatever it is that they say. recently a friend of mine and i - who, incidentally, i've spoken with pretty much every day since october - missed talking with each other for a week. he told me that he wasn't dodging my calls but that he was busy and knew i was out of town (which is true, but he still could have called just to say hi or something). furthermore, he needed to be 'there' for someone else, which is why he couldn't come to my rugby game this weekend. which is all fine and good. but i tried calling on saturday after the game, and sunday afternoon, and haven't heard back. now either he's lying about dodging the calls, or something else is happening because i am pretty sure he's home, or at least been home. it's true, maybe he doesn't want to talk to me, but couldn't he just say that? i hate all this vagueness (if that's even a word). it's so frustrating.

trying to take it easy and not get all frustrated but i'm not gonna lie, it hurts. i've never been good at giving things up cold turkey, and this hurts real bad. but maybe not more than my current rugby pain.

happy new year and then some!

well, i spent a solid 2 weeks with my family in CT and we all got along! christmas was nice, new years was very very mellow, and i got caught up on a LOT of sleep which i'm very thankful for.

i discovered a new pet peeve when i returned to work yesterday. well first i want to say that i'm one of those people who has a hard time going to the bathroom both when it's completely silent in there but other people are in there going as well, and also when there are people talking in the bathroom. but pet peeve number 1a is people talking on their cell phones in the bathroom stall. pet peeve number 1b is people going into the bathroom to *specifically* MAKE phone calls cause it's an area of the building that gets good reception. please! i don't need to hear all about your mundane school life while i'm trying to focus!

rugby season is in full swing now. we lifted yesterday. i mean, I JOINED THE GYM. this is something i haven't done since i got out of college so i consider it a big thing. of course after lifting with my teammates yesterday, i'm in a great deal of pain, since the last time i lifted regularly was over 5 years ago! it's sink or swim over here. yesterday my arms were all shaky. today i was cramping. super.

it's hard to blog regularly cause i don't have a computer at home and i don't have time to at work like most other computer junkies. but i always look forward to seeing who has come by to visit and say hi. so say hi already! :)

not even a close call

as it turns out, the guy didn't like me 'like that' so there was nothing to be worried about at all. i was more concerned because someone had said to me, 'you know if you ask someone you haven't seen in 10 years to do something, they might think you're interested in them.' just from emailing with the guy i didn't think there was anything going on but maybe there was!

well, there wasn't. no action, no moves, no flirting. just your general chit-chat about what we've been up to the past 10 years of our lives. interesting guy but i think he wanted me to be his drinking buddy which i just couldn't do. so that solves that.

something's burning

i love this picture. look how long my hair was! this was taken feb 2005, i believe.

well it has been some time since i was last able to blog. time passes so fast sometimes. lots of personal stuff going on. been keeping busy at work, which is a good thing. although today we had a few burning incidences today...like i almost set a paper towel on fire - no, not intentionally! and then we were trying to warm up some media and ended up melting the plates and burning the media, it was smelly and sticky and hot and nasty. think gross chemicals everywhere. i suited up for toxic cleanup. lucky me. why do i subject myself to that? cause no one else would do it! oh well.

now that the reunion is over i have time to focus on things like christmas. and hopefully friendships. oh and writing my christmas letter. i'm thinking of making it different than i have in the past. if anyone wants to hear about my exciting life, email me your mailing address (everyone loves mail!) and i'll send you a copy! no guarantee it'll be there before christmas however, since it's not written yet :)

anyhow, what else is new. keeping up with the blog is hard when i can't make time for it during the day - and when they keep me busy here running around cleaning up messes, there's simply no time between work, going to rugby practice and freezing my booty off, and then having a social life at night.

my friend brendan and i were considering renting a house together, that threw some excitement into last week. this week i'm prepping to see my family for christmas. preparing to go running in the SNOW. thinking of going snowshoeing or cross country skiing. maybe downhill skiing!

maybe i'll be able to update more frequently when i'm home. but i doubt it.

anyone have any fun weekend plans?

and, here's the question for the day (it's more of a scenario):

you meet up with an old classmate of the opposite sex at your high school reunion. you knew them, they knew you, there was no old flame or anything like that. you find out that they live across the country (like you!), in a city not too far from where you live. this is exciting news because you have finally found a familiar face in a place where you feel very alone sometimes. you contact the person and ask them if they would like to hang out in the city sometime, maybe get some food or go see a museum or a concert/show of some sort sometime.

are you asking the person out, and/or are they thinking you're interested in them physically/sexually just because you contacted them about hanging out after 10 years of not talking?

me, dancing

happy weekend everyone!

it happened, it's done

i survived the reunion. nothing bad happened. people had fun. people thanked me for putting on a fun party. no fights broke out. some might thing that was boring but i was just so glad 70 people were there, ate, drank, danced, talked, and were generally merry.

*big sigh of relief*

now what will i spend my days worrying about???

this is a photo of my dad and i. he was the official photographer for the event!

snow on thanksgiving

no joke. hope everyone had a happy bird day. my high school football team lost. but otherwise it was a good day. time for sleepy...zzz...

time is ticking

we're still prepping for the reunion here but i'm thinking it's all coming together which is very exciting. anyone passing by, i know i've written this before, but can anyone suggest something fun to do at the reunion? or an easy way to break the ice with people you haven't spoken with in years? or, what could a reunion planner do to make you actually want to go to the reunion? i know everyone claims to have hated high school but i still look back on it fondly and can't understand why everyone hated one another then. i'm looking forward to this. anyhow, comments welcome.

my heart is already racing with anticipation of this event. i hope i make it out alive!

miss me yet?

absence makes the heart grow fonder. i will be posting again soon, just been out of control busy the last week or so...the reunion is getting closer, work is getting put on the back burner but still there is so much to be done, and the energy it takes to get someone you care about through a very hard time is just...well...i'm wiped. g'night y'all.

3 things

1. i absolutely LOVE kicking through fallen leaves. best part of fall hands down. followed closely by the cooler temps and the wearing of more layers of clothes

2. there is something about the word f*ck that i am having a hard time with. someone used it the other day and i almost choked.

3. actually 3 is 3 nicknames i've taken to calling myself of late:

a. wing nut - i love buffalo wings, almost to excess
b. tick magnet - need i say more? i'm known at work for having collected the most ticks in my skin.
c. quail girl - i have this dorky piece of hair that continues to curl in front of my face. check it.

rugby weekend

as with pretty much every other rugby weekend, saturday is a day of hard core playing, and sunday is a day of hard core hurting. unlike the last game (2 weeks ago) my legs are in pretty good shape as far as not much pain and not much bruising. my back and neck however took the beating this week. lots of scrumming and pushing and trying to bowl people over with a little running bull impression. i could really use a massage right about now. anyone interested should make their way over to my place, asap!

not much else. the reunion planning is still cagey. we have 35 people signed up. i was really hoping for 50. now i guess i start begging and pleading. anyone want to go to a 10 year high school reunion in connecticut 2 days after thanksgiving?

off to stretch out my neck...giraffe style...

cheers folks, hope everyone had a great weekend...monday looks like the start of a very busy week for gumby over here...*sigh*

isn't that just life

i don't have much to write. i thought i did. but here i am.

in case anyone was worried, i am fine. i'm not on the verge of depression or anything like that although maybe i should be. my main concern is a friend of mine whose wife came home and told him she was leaving him for someone else. major stress for him, and i have been trying to be supportive, as much as i can. but when someone else is emotional it makes me emotional. not to mention things being kind of crazy with my family, and planning my ridiculous high school reunion. my heart is strong, but it bleeds for those in need. hey that rhymed.

my energy is a little depleted but i'm surviving. rugby practice last night was pretty rough, my lungs were hurting due to lack of air entering them, and my legs were numb from sprinting as hard as i could for 2 hours, but...i'm getting stronger, i think. tonight is funky dance class and conditioning. it'll be fun.

hugs and all that good stuff :)

oh yeah, here's some lyrics running through my head for y'all

Nobody's perfect
All of the time
Nobody's perfect
We are what we are
There's no perfect reason
And no perfect rhyme
For most of the time
That's what we're looking for.

- mike and the mechanics, "nobody's perfect"

oh yeah one more thing, here's a photo, find me:

this is the party in which i brought one of the professors from the college as my date. he teaches plant biology / plant genetics. interesting guy. everyone referred to my date as "the professor" instead of calling him by name. funny stuff.

happy halloween

what did people dress up as for the festivities? i must know. if you're good i'll post a photo of my costume, probably by tomorrow.

this weekend was pretty intense. lot of emotions. lots of crying. i think i cried more this past month than any other time in my life, ever. i'm not even kidding.

hope all is well with everyone, i will write more later. waiting for some soil to dry. fun is :)

free...as a bird

TGIF. although this week has been pretty sweet as far as only working 4 days, i'm still psyched for it to be friday. my posts will hopefully be better and less sporadic soon, maybe.

i am recently (like today) single! so everyone will have to line up in an orderly fashion outside my door and ask nicely/shower me with gifts if you're interested in a date with a gal that's able to stop traffic (yep, did it again yesterday!)

hugs all around!

day of rest

well SATURDAY'S A RUGBY DAY - and it was, oh, it was.
but sunday, depending on who you talk to, is either "a day of rest" or "the lords day"

take your pick, i'm not coming into work to blog! i'll be sleeping and recovering from the rugby wounds. no black eyes this time.

hope you're all having a stellar weekend. toodles!

7 things about 7 things about me

(thought i'd put up a serene image of a place similar to where i'll be tomorrow when everyone is reading this.)

7 things to do before I die:
1. travel to australia / new zealand / europe
2. go back to costa rica and the bahamas
3. spend more time with grandma and grandpa (and the rest of my family)
4. build a house for me or for someone else
5. find my soulmate
6. figure out what's really important
7. thank the people who have made a difference in my life

7 things I can do:
1. tackle someone bigger than me (maybe you!)
2. listen when people talk
3. dance like no one is watching under no influence but my own craziness
4. sing out loud - in public, in private, in the car
5. ask someone out
6. cry in front of someone / cry on command
7. make people feel good about themselves / make them laugh

7 things I can't do:
1. confront people who i think hate me
2. alcohol / drugs
3. lift weights by myself
4. listen to talk radio all day
5. raise my left eyebrow independently of my right
6. stop itching / stop biting my nails
7. settle

7 things that attract me to others:
1. great smile
2. kind eyes
3. firm handshake
4. wit and humor
5. sense of responsibility
6. caring nature
7. soft hair

7 things I say most often:
1. i'm tired
2. what's happening? / yeah...
3. hey peeps!
4. "i don't get your humor"
5. need help with that?
6. come on!
7. where's my hug?

7 celebrity crushes:
1. jack johnson
2. george clooney
3. heath ledger
4. steve carrell
5. luke wilson
6. vince vaughn
7. william h. macy
*8. how could i forget COLIN FIRTH?!?!

7 people I want to do this (no one will want to, but...):
1. kevin
2. paul
3. stan
4. scott
5. my dad
6. my brother
7. anyone else who feels like it

almost forgot

will asked me to do one of those surveys, 7 things about 7 things about me. guess it will have to wait till some idle time tomorrow, but i will do it! promise!

rugby has begun

i am in pain.

but still smiling. perhaps later i'll show you what rugby did to me this past weekend. i love this sport but man-oh-man my body is paying for it today. literally, everything hurts, my ears, my toes, my ribs, my neck, my temples, my jaw, my back, my legs, my arms.

ps. happy birthday gramps! 93 today!

pps. i also scanned some sweet photos from my youth, which you'll have to look forward to!

----------------

ok i'm back. here's the painful rugby photo you've all been waiting for. brace yourselves.



for those of you who didn't know, i am just slightly obsessed with photographing my eyes, especially when something interesting happens. it's probably not the best black eye i've had (i have photos of the other ones as well), in fact this is more of a scrape than a bruise. but still, it gets attention and i figured you should all see it. you get to see my soft side and my brutal side all at once.

there's always so much more to write, but now i just have to wait. the injury is from the nor-cal senior women's select side rugby tryouts, where they pick the best northern california players to go up to oregon to play the pacific northwest, southern california, and rocky mountain regional teams, to decide who should play on the west coast regional team. i'm not planning on making it that far, but going to portland in 2 weeks would be nice...keep your fingers crossed.

...just got the email. didn't make it. :(
lucky me, i'm listed under "non-traveling reserves"
what i don't get is this. there were only 4, tops 5 people that play my position that tried out. 2 were place on non-traveling reserves, 1 isn't available. so they're going with 2. i guess they don't need a sub. oh well.

and in case anyone was wondering, my birthday was exactly 1 week ago today. belated presents are still accepted :D

oh yeah, one last thing...does anyone think there is something wrong with my eyebrows? i never really noticed them today...

relax for now

well i was up most of the night but my mistake from previous day has been taken care of. somehow. fate. powers that be. whomever. THANK YOU FOR YOUR DIVINE INTERVENTION. i am eternally grateful.

i was up till around 4 on the computer last night. dad got me up at 545 so i could drive him to work. now it's 710am, the phone just rang, i ran up the stairs to answer it, bit my lip, it was the wrong number, and now i think i notice a cold sore coming on. ice pack, vitamins, lysine pills, i am NOT in the mood for this right now! argh.

did i mention i didn't actually sleep well for the 1 hour and 45 minutes i was in my bed last night?

calgon, take me away!

ever

ever do something totally stupid without even knowing you're doing it and then you just feel stupid? so stupid that you're completely out of control of the whole situation and you just have to wait to see what happens, wait to see what the other person does, maybe they will get to the email you sent before their partner does, before the interrogation starts...before the jealousy starts pounding at the door. this is happening to me right now and i just have to wait it out. maybe things will be ok, maybe not. but i feel sick.

i like someone i shouldn't. i did something i could have prevented. i sent an email to the wrong email address. i have felt this way before, one time i sent a personal email to a bunch of potato farmers and boy was that embarrassing. luckily i didn't dis my boss in it, huh.

anyway back to the subject at hand. this person, he sent me a picture from his computer, his email address with his wife. it's complex, and trust me, i'm not breaking up the marriage or anything, i just met the guy!

i assumed that, like all his other emails, it was sent from his yahoo account. big mistake. always check. but i didn't. and then i sent it to their address. with any luck he'll check it before her, but who knows. i have no idea what other people's internet habits are.

i feel like wretching.

gonna go eat some dinner, clear my head, hopefully make some sense out of this.

wait.

there is no sense i can make out of it! i screwed up!

my only saving grace now is to hear from him that all is OK. otherwise, BABOOM!

*sigh*

live and learn. there are worse things in the world.

turning japanese i think i'm turning japanese i really think so

Your Japanese Name Is...

Riko Reizei

What's your Japanese Name?

bernie harris is too tall!

hi all, just in from a 5 day trip to mendocino county.

first, went to the craziest outdoor camping party i have ever been to. met some very cool people, did a lot of crazy dancing, ate some terrific food, and stayed up all night until dawn 3 nights in a row!

then 2 days of working, driving around the county, which basically meant my co-worker drove and i slept off the 3 nights of not sleeping previous to working.

1 day back from that, out in the woods, collecting my thoughts on the weekend.

now i have some things to do, so i may not be posting very much. ok probably not at all. i'll fill you all in later when i have access to a computer again.

paul - i'll anxiously await the photos from sydney

will - you attempt to stay out of trouble and get out of your funk

stan - keep eating healthy, you're doing awesome.

to everyone else, LIVE! please! do something exciting and meaningful with your life.

i stopped traffic!

no joke!

today, while playing what we fondly refer to as "frogger" across a somewhat busy 4 lane street, i saw an opening on the 2 left lanes, and my complete crossing would only be delayed by 1 truck going by in the other direction. so i hopped off the sidewalk and made my way to the center of the road, where i planned on waiting for the truck to go by and then skampering the rest of the way across the street.

except, the truck stopped! and the driver waved me by!

that's right fellas, i look THAT good. :D

enter ill

i just feel icky today. so i'm going home early. swing by the post office. maybe grab some chocolate at the local news/candy shop. then go lay down and feel sorry for myself.

pity comments welcome.

ps. the color of this text is the color of the shirt i'm wearing today.

gone people, all awkward in their things

i spent pretty much the whole day listening to jack johnson.

the i-tunes originals cd is actually pretty good, he explains a lot of stuff about his music, his roots, his lyrics, etc. also listened to live from boston, sept 2004. which, since i've never seen him in concert, i have to say was good. a co-worker saw him in concert awhile back, and said he had little personality in concert, might as well just go buy the studio cd vs. spending the money on the concert. but this one was good, he interacted with the audience, etc. this is inane info but interesting to me because i just read an article about him last night while doing laundry. and after seeing his photos i like him even more. he has a little patch of gray hair on the side. just like me! and he's only 2 years older. yes, he's married. but a girl can dream.

...it just occured to me that he looks a little like ben affleck. except jack's head is much more oval shaped.

speaking of men i find attractive...(were we?) ok well today i was thinking about older men i find especially handsome.

regardless of their political affiliations/views/ridiculous comments/dating women that are anorexic, i still find these men to be very handsome. maybe it's the way the furrow their brow. there are others but i'm working on finding decent photos. anyhow. just a random thought.

one frustrating thing about driving in traffic all the time, is motorcycles. and not just their presence on the interstate. i think they're dangerous but a fine commuting vehicle. what i don't like is when they come flying up out of nowhere, swerving and weaving in between cars traveling at high speeds. or even at low speeds. i guess it's their lives on the line, but it freaks me out a little when there is a car right next to me, and a motorcycle decides to just fly right through. danger! what if my car door accidentally flew open, or i unknowingly swerved ever so slightly toward the dotted line in the road? wha-bam! seems real bad.

another thing i was thinking about today - if i want to get more fruit into my diet, i am seriously considering the idea of smoothies. for breakfast, perhaps. buy a bunch of fruit at the store - strawberries, raspberries, cranberries, blueberries, limes, lemons, oranges, bananas, apples, etc - freeze them, then throw 'em in the blender with some milk or yogurt and ice and yummy breakfast treat. jamba juice is so good, but pricey and they serve their juice in those styrofoam cups. i'm more earth conscious than that!

oh yeah, and the answer to the quiz everyone has been waiting for...

what do i crave most after rugby practice?
some good answers: cold water, hot shower, health food, margaritas...all fine choices but if i drank a margarita every time i had practice i would have a drinking problem! and, it's hot here so the hot shower thing only works when it's cold in the winter and we get all muddy. water and fruit would be the healthy choices for me to eat, but the correct answer is:

freezer pops. i love them.

(me, at work, listening to jack johnson. life is beautiful.)

perfect weather

(sorry photos are blurry, low lighting in the woods today) :D

i slept dream free as far as i can remember, and when i woke up it was chilly. it was just the kind of morning that makes me long for the days of fuzzy pajamas with feet. all cuddly and warm. anyhow, i got up and put in some eyedrops because for some reason my eyes have been very dry in the mornings. except the eyedrops made my eyes burn! ugh.

i headed out to the woods this morning, my eyes still not quite open - does any one else have the problem where, when they wake up in the morning, their eyes refuse to open? not cause they're stuck closed, just that my eyelids are heavy and don't feel like lifting. maybe i should do some eyelid exercises to strengthen them up! back to the story at hand, i made it to my field site, surviving traffic half awake, and i had a long sleeve shirt on. i put on my vest and heavy gear and immediately realized, it was the kind of day where if you're standing around it feels cool but if you're moving, you're sweating. didn't need the long sleeve.

i am the kind of person that gets warm very easily. my feet being the exception to that rule. they're constantly cold. but my preference is to be chilly and put layers of clothes on, but if it gets hot to immediately remove the layers. sometimes in a temperature controlled building i'll put a long sleeve on and take it off numerous times during the day. my friend kurt used to say "kristen, you sure like layers." it's true.

but the weather today, man, it was just great. sunny but not hot. a little breeze occasionally. now that's living. so rare in the central valley of california!

speaking of which, i'm looking for a new job. not because i don't like my current one, but working for a university has it's flaws. the money is running out. so now i'm on the search for new job opportunities. some people think it's a blessing, i have this great opportunity in front of me to just do something completely new and exciting. travel maybe. who knows! thing is, i'm bad at making these decisions (ok i'm bad at almost all decisions except sleeping) so i don't know what i want to do with my life (who does?)

i'm actually considering trying to get involved with the rebuilding of new orleans louisiana. not sure how to do it but i think that's something i need to do. be with some people who feel the same way about helping others as i do. and using my prior skills and learning some new skills. oh maybe i never mentioned it on here before, i have done habitat for humanity 7 times. ranging in location from: portland maine, bridgeport connecticut, philadelphia pennsylvania, oneonta new york, and portland oregon. i am eager to get involved with that again, as i really like the feeling of seeing the work that is being accomplished by my hands. there is something very gratifying about it. and working with others who enjoy helping out, and working with families who want to rebuild their lives...those are people i need to be with at this point in my life, i think. where i live now is just kind of sterile. or else i'm blind to all the great opportunities that are popping up all over and i'm turning a blind eye. but i don't think so.

this place i live now, i am finding it incredibly difficult to make friends. and i'm a very outgoing person. i meet people and i think they're cool, and then that's it. they already have too many friends or are already too busy to spend any time with me. i figure there must be someone out there but after almost 3 years of looking, i'm ready to try something new.

here's a question for the day - what do i crave most after a hard rugby workout?

(there are a couple acceptable answers...good luck!)

peace my friends.

dream world

the past 4 days or so have been somewhat out of the ordinary. first off, thursday night i stayed up till 4am screwing around on this ol' computer. planning a reunion, looking for a new job, trying to stay in contact with about 750 people (literally), writing this blog, and surfing the web are starting to become a bit too much.

friday i got up around 9, skipped work, packed, then headed off to yosemite. which was ok except the winding roads which made me sick to my stomach cause i was sitting in the back seat. then we had a campfire which was great.

friday night i slept amazingly well and can't remember if i had any dreams, that's how well i slept (my tentmates informed me that i was snoring, which, i hardly ever do)(i have, on occasion, been known to snore 'cutely' - but rarely anything related to 'sawing logs').

saturday we went to mirror lake and there wasn't much water. but some cool sites. had a campfire. i drank pepsi which may have been my fatal mistake.






saturday night i could NOT fall asleep. i think i was a little afraid of snoring. but i was sweating in my sleeping bag. so i took off some layers. still hot. then i had to go to the bathroom. but my shoes were on the other side of the tent and i wasn't about to crawl over 2 other people. so i went out in my socks. and of course it was dark and i didn't bring my light and i peed on my foot. *sigh* so i had 1 wet sock and 1 dry sock. back to the tent, took off the wet sock. tried to get comfortable. fell asleep. dreamed about my 10 year reunion and there were all these decorations like an art gallery and people i didn't know were showing up and i thought it was great to see them, until the night ended and some security guy told me i couldn't be there and i had to clean everything out, then there was just SO much of my own stuff (furniture, etc) in this place, there was no way i could clean it out before the next day, then these other guys came and yelled at me because they were supposed to use the room...i woke up all panicky, and again, i had to go to the bathroom! this never happens to me. this time i got smart and put my shoes on, went, came back, was still sweating even though it was freezing outside. tossed and turned. back to sleep, dreamed about trying out for a rugby team where my grandma (died 9 years ago) and grandpa were there, and stuart little (the little white mouse) was playing on the team and everyone was trying to kill him and it was horrible!! i woke up again, and it was light out, and i HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AGAIN. this was the most ridiculous night i've ever spent camping.

sunday was not that good, due to not sleeping very much and feeling somewhat ill after eating breakfast. then we were rushing around, trying to get out of there and packing stuff up. we went to bridal veil falls and then over to el capitan to watch the rock climbers. had a picnic lunch, then hiked closer to el cap to try to see the climbers closer up.





then we came home, again, on the winding roads, i felt ill and HOT for at least an hour. got home, made a bunch of phone calls, and went to sleep around 930pm. i had one long dream, which involved me going shopping for clubbing clothes with jamie lee curtis, then meeting up with the guys from the sopranos to knock someone off, then in a restaurant where jennifer aniston was, and brad pitt and angelina jolie showed up and i asked jennifer what she thought we should do. woke up very confused. ?

today is monday and i'm looking forward to another good night of sleep. can't stay on the computer too long or it will never happen.

plaid and paisley

last night it was chilly in my apt, so when i went to bed i decided to wear something warmer than shorts and a t-shirt. what i came up with was this sort of paisley flannel long sleeve pajama shirt that my grandma made for my dad umptee-ump years ago, which he passed on to me cause he couldn't wear it anymore...and some flannel plaid pajama pants. silly. even though it didn't match, it was so comfy. i would wear it out in public, i think, if needed. or even not.

i have not been blogging lately. this stems from my desire NOT to be at work every night. you see i don't have a computer at home which means that i can't just jump on and blog whenever i feel like it. even hard to do it during the down times at work, i mean, to come up with something so brilliant as i'm apt to write...takes a little time.

last night i contacted a few people, namely internet 'friends' which is weird cause i don't know them, but, i let people know a bunch of us from my work were going out to dollar drink night (i don't drink but it's fun to hang out and watch the silliness). anyhow, it's not that crowded but we're sitting outside on the deck just enjoying the cold night air and lack of people. then, i feel someone walk up behind me and put their hands on my waist. i think - is this someone i know? i look, and NO, it's some random guy who was just trying to make his way by. i feel, however, that there was really NO need for him to hold my waist while he did so.

thankfully that guy left, and filling his spot soon after were these other 2 guys. and i'm looking at them and thinking...i wonder if this is the guy from the internet. you see internet photos are a funny thing, they can be deceiving. i may look like a cutie from all you've seen so far, but in reality i'm a brow-furrowing burly angry rugby player. ha ha. the guy in the corner looks over, there's recognition, and he says sort of loudly while leaning, "hi i'm sean!" and i think "huh i didn't remember that being his name but OK" since it's the internet you can be whomever you want to be. he's sitting with someone i don't recognize, but there was a lull in the conversation at my table so i went over to chat.

sean and his friend, whose name i think is mike or matt, are from memphis tennessee. we talked about all kinds of things: rugby, what we do for livings, hurricane katrina, living in california, life, the future, families, etc. matt has a wife and a daughter, and mentions something at some point about sean's girlfriend. according to his website he is single but who knows these days right. no more talk of this stuff, however. we talk about what someone could do to make us really angry, about drinking, not drinking, parties, the 3rd friend of theirs from memphis who isn't there cause he's really busy with work and herbal remedies (hmm) and getting ready to move to canada to be with HIS girlfriend.

anyhow we have a lovely evening just chatting - matt says i'm one of the most task oriented people he's ever met. all my co-workers bail, and eventually sean and matt are freezing (me too, only i'm wearing a t-shirt and they have long sleeves) so we walk out to the sidewalk, i realize their car is in the opposite direction from where i'm going, and we all agree we had a nice time, it was nice meeting, we should hang out again sometime soon (matt has to trade off with his wife on going out cause someone has to stay home with child). we hugged goodnight and went our separate ways. i can only wonder what they had to say about me.

and as i walked home i had this nice feeling. like these were 2 of the most real people i've met in town since i've been living here. but then reality set in about 2 minutes later, where i had to tell myself i probably wouldn't be hearing from them again. just like everyone else i've met in this area. so then i have to wonder, why do they sustain hanging out with me ALL NIGHT if i give off this impression that they don't really want to spend any more time with me, they were just faking it or they're too busy for a new friend? i don't get it. i have more rants about men and how they ask for my phone number and then NEVER CALL (ps don't bother, i don't need the flattery or the game playing) but i wanted to just write about how last night was so nice. *sigh*

tomorrow i'm off to yosemite with my rugby girls. it is going to ROCK. i'm bringing the camera and the tripod. hoping to get some killer shots while i'm there. i'll let you know!

peace, y'all. hugs all around!

hungry

i'm starving. it's almost 10pm. so hungry. just writing because, well, it's a habit now. i like logging on and just staying logged on as long as possible. it's silly.

also, rugby practice is in full swing (although no one showed up to conditioning tonight except me) so i ran about 2.5 miles with sprints and jogs and some bleacher running and then some abs. whew. go me. it's amazing the variety of people you can see at the track. i like it.

now i just need to get motivated to go to the gym. ha like i have time!

chow.