life is crazy

sometimes i don't know what i'm doing and i feel completely out of my mind. why then would i feel things for someone i would not normally feel? i can't decide if it is just the excitement or the uniqueness of the given situation. or maybe i am out of my mind

was i out of my head was i out of my mind, how could i have ever been so blind? i was waiting for an indication, it was hard to find...no matter what i say only what i do, never mean to do bad things to you so quiet that i finally woke up, if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too...

a thousand lyrics run through my head every day and i try to piece together why they are meaningful but trying to make connections out of something so discombobulated...because i don't know much about what i'm feeling due to my ability to so easily just toss feelings aside and ignore them and not give them a name or a voice. instead when i have them i feel ill and determining what this physical reaction is - is it for a good feeling or a bad feeling or what, i just don't know. i wait for the inkling to pass and hope at the same time that it does and doesn't return.

***

it's so late already and i'm still at work. why? to get in extra hours to take a day off. to see what will be. i'm exhausted mentally working out the details of my life for the next few days, and the heat and tromping around in the woods is not making things easier.

***

but because you make a connection with someone doesn't mean it's nothing, doesn't mean you can't work hard to bridge the time-space continuum. i enjoy working hard for a good cause, and i think humanity is a good cause, the connection between humans, to find another piece of the puzzle that is life, that is the world, that is the "sense" that we're supposed to try to make out of our mere existence.

first time

it's no big thing, i had to register on this to comment on someone else's blog. so here we go! maybe more to come if i think of something more interesting to write other than - it's 530 on friday and i'm OUTTA HERE! :D