29 January 2006

looking for a job is a drag

i tell you what. looking for a job is probably the worst thing i can think of to do with my time. so much, that i've taken to doing all sorts of other relatively unnecessary things around my apartment to avoid this hair pulling activity of job hunting. like yesterday, i cleaned out my closet. did ALL my laundry (sheets, towels, and all dirty clothes). reorganized the whole thing, and put everything into orderly stacks on the shelves. tried on a bunch of clothes i forgot i had. got rid of a bunch of shirts i don't wear much anymore (cause let's be honest, how many t-shirts does a person need, really?!?!) also ditched some socks that had holes in them. i know, wasteful.

been waging war against the ants that think it's their closet as well.

i also did a bunch of sudoku puzzles. made a bunch of phone calls. did the dishes - now, you know when i do the dishes, the task at hand must be REAL bad cause doing dishes is my #1 LEAST favorite chore, ever.

i took out the trash and the recycling. i listened to CDs i haven't listened to in a LONG time, maybe since i bought them. i read magazines to catch up on all the latest celebrity gossip - generally i do this while i'm doing laundry because my washer and dryer both run in cycles of 30 minutes, so i'm constantly getting up to go reset the dryer for another 30 minutes cause the clothes aren't dry. i feel it's good for me to read, even if it's all fluff. at least i'm reading, which is something i don't do that often.

i cleaned out the drawer i keep random papers in, you know how sometimes paper just accumulates on your counter or table or some other place? after awhile i get tired of looking at it and put it in a drawer. so i took that stack out and sorted through it and got rid of stuff i didn't need (credit card offers) and filed away things that needed filing (bill statements, pay stubs, etc.) there's still more of this in a paper shopping bag under my table, but i made good progress with the drawer.

i even worked on these motivational bags that i've been making for the rugby team (about 45 people). let me tell you, cutting out phrases from magazines and writing inspirational sayings with markers and trying to make each bag individual and cute is very time consuming.

but really, it's all an effort to NOT look for a job. i wish it was easier to find a good job without having to look so hard, and without having to go online to find one (i don't have internet at home) since i have to come to the computer lab to do all this looking, it's fine but it's not the comfort of my own home.

which is exactly why it's the perfect place for me to be right now.

23 January 2006

my girls


just some of my favorite ruggers...

just a day just an ordinary day

thought i'd post an email i just sent off, in case people are actually wondering about my life...it's really hard right now, with emotional turmoil on overload and trying to find a new job and worrying slightly about what my future may hold...it's all the reason i haven't been blogging much but i feel like i should make time and explore my feelings more...

it's all true.

--------------
hi there,

went to the woods, collected a bunch of soil (it was very heavy) and got to show shelley around the park which was very fun. nice to have a day in the woods with her, letting her talk and tell her stories so i didn't have to talk about mine.

last night after we got off the phone, i called laurel who was already in davis (sweet!) and she came over and gave me a hug and i started bawling. i'm sure i'll get over this soon but maybe not completely, ever. till then i'm just an emotional nightmare waiting to happen. maybe you are too.

had some extremely weird dreams last night. reunions, trains, video games, swimming pools, running in the woods, narrators, this 30 foot tall creature that was similar to the blue woman from x-men...i mean really. where does my brain come up with all this stuff. and wouldn't it be more relaxing if i could just sleep without all the extra action going on?

got a sandwich for lunch today, which had WAY too much lettuce (which i didn't ask for) and not enough mustard. but it was otherwise good and edible. i ate 1/2 for lunch and 1/2 for late dinner (just now).

hope today was a good day for you. sometimes i like to rate my days - picked it up somewhere along the way. today was good. yesterday, not so good although i did get a hug from laurel (which i desperately needed) and had sushi with her and john which was also good, a redeeming quality of the day. i think i need to start writing in my journal again. when i have time, like, when i'm not looking for a job all the time.

probably going to work 1/2 day tomorrow then throw myself into job hunting. can't wait. wait. yes i can.

missing you terribly,
me '99 :)

16 January 2006

struggling

communication can be so difficult sometimes. trying to figure out what someone says when they say whatever it is that they say. recently a friend of mine and i - who, incidentally, i've spoken with pretty much every day since october - missed talking with each other for a week. he told me that he wasn't dodging my calls but that he was busy and knew i was out of town (which is true, but he still could have called just to say hi or something). furthermore, he needed to be 'there' for someone else, which is why he couldn't come to my rugby game this weekend. which is all fine and good. but i tried calling on saturday after the game, and sunday afternoon, and haven't heard back. now either he's lying about dodging the calls, or something else is happening because i am pretty sure he's home, or at least been home. it's true, maybe he doesn't want to talk to me, but couldn't he just say that? i hate all this vagueness (if that's even a word). it's so frustrating.

trying to take it easy and not get all frustrated but i'm not gonna lie, it hurts. i've never been good at giving things up cold turkey, and this hurts real bad. but maybe not more than my current rugby pain.

05 January 2006

happy new year and then some!

well, i spent a solid 2 weeks with my family in CT and we all got along! christmas was nice, new years was very very mellow, and i got caught up on a LOT of sleep which i'm very thankful for.

i discovered a new pet peeve when i returned to work yesterday. well first i want to say that i'm one of those people who has a hard time going to the bathroom both when it's completely silent in there but other people are in there going as well, and also when there are people talking in the bathroom. but pet peeve number 1a is people talking on their cell phones in the bathroom stall. pet peeve number 1b is people going into the bathroom to *specifically* MAKE phone calls cause it's an area of the building that gets good reception. please! i don't need to hear all about your mundane school life while i'm trying to focus!

rugby season is in full swing now. we lifted yesterday. i mean, I JOINED THE GYM. this is something i haven't done since i got out of college so i consider it a big thing. of course after lifting with my teammates yesterday, i'm in a great deal of pain, since the last time i lifted regularly was over 5 years ago! it's sink or swim over here. yesterday my arms were all shaky. today i was cramping. super.

it's hard to blog regularly cause i don't have a computer at home and i don't have time to at work like most other computer junkies. but i always look forward to seeing who has come by to visit and say hi. so say hi already! :)