16 January 2006

struggling

communication can be so difficult sometimes. trying to figure out what someone says when they say whatever it is that they say. recently a friend of mine and i - who, incidentally, i've spoken with pretty much every day since october - missed talking with each other for a week. he told me that he wasn't dodging my calls but that he was busy and knew i was out of town (which is true, but he still could have called just to say hi or something). furthermore, he needed to be 'there' for someone else, which is why he couldn't come to my rugby game this weekend. which is all fine and good. but i tried calling on saturday after the game, and sunday afternoon, and haven't heard back. now either he's lying about dodging the calls, or something else is happening because i am pretty sure he's home, or at least been home. it's true, maybe he doesn't want to talk to me, but couldn't he just say that? i hate all this vagueness (if that's even a word). it's so frustrating.

trying to take it easy and not get all frustrated but i'm not gonna lie, it hurts. i've never been good at giving things up cold turkey, and this hurts real bad. but maybe not more than my current rugby pain.
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1 comment:

stan said...

I feel bad for not commenting on this earlier...it's as though I was dodging you too (ok, not really).

I cannot speak for your friend, but I can speak from my own experience. Last spring, I had just come out of a relationship with someone, and I needed friends to help fill that void. One friend in particular was someone I trusted and I knew trusted me, and I felt comfortable leaning on her for friendship. My intentions were never to pursue more than a friendship, especially not at that time in my life (not looking, thank you very much), but I began to get the impression that she was misreading me, because before too long, it seemed as though she was keeping me at a distance.

We were able to restore our closeness after a while, and we never really talked about it, but because we were okay again, I let it drop.

Fast forward to last night, only a few days after coming out of another relationship (interestingly, with the same woman as before). I approached my friend and told her about how last year, I thought I must have somehow scared her away, and wanted to assure her that I would be careful not to do that again. Imagine my surprise when she told me that she wasn't worried, and never thought I was trying to get too close to her, even inadvertently; she actually wanted to guard our friendship by not letting me do so.

So Kristen, even though I don't know exactly what the inside story of your situation is here, I would encourage you to give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Yes, he may have been trying to avoid you, but he may not have been, either. It could be a misunderstanding. I hope that you are able to talk to him about it, and calmly express how you have been feeling, but be open to what he has to say. It's hard to let someone go if necessary, but it's harder if it isn't.

1/23/2006 10:50:00 AM

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