the hardest goodbye

last days are weird, i've decided. it seems strange to me that i'm the only one working, and it's me that's leaving. everyone else has gone off to some meeting or to do some other work. so it's just me. by myself. kinda lonely.

i think if he could have helped it, my boss wouldn't have said goodbye to me at all. he was lucky i was in the lab for the 2 seconds he passed through.

this other woman in the lab, who has never gotten a single joke or wise crack i've ever told, said goodbye and was off to work on a grant proposal. i gave her a hug and turned away. i got choked up because she was supportive of me, even though it always seemed fake. people think i misread other people. but they're wrong.

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the last person i said goodbye to was shelley. she was procrastinating leaving to drive back to SF, and procrastinating saying goodbye because she knew it would be hard for both of us (i'm tearing up as i write this right now).

and it's not like we're never going to see each other again - i still plan to keep in touch with her, go on crazy outdoor adventures, have snacks, talk about guys, etc. it's just the change of environment. i won't be here every day to chat with, to share stories with, to laugh with. i won't be here to go run get coffee real quick with, or to go get lunch with on a whim, or to help out with a project she could really use an extra hand with. she and i have gotten to be good, maybe even very good friends in the last year. and saying goodbye (choking up) was just so hard.

she gave me a hug and hugged me the hardest anyone that small has ever hugged me (she is a rock climber with a very high metabolism, and she's super strong). she has been there for me a lot these past few months and has listened to all my drama as i have listened to hers (wiping away tears)(sniffle) anyhow, we hugged for a good 5-10 minutes. the tears were flowing down my face and into her hair. hers were flowing onto my shoulder. we stood there embraced in the lab not wanting to let go.

i know i need to leave because it will be good for me to move onto something new, but to leave her behind in this lab where people don't understand her like i do, don't care about her like i do, well, that's the hardest part of this goodbye.

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i didn't turn in my keys today so i will have to come back and do it tomorrow. but by now it's 135am and i'm just too tired to write anything else (stayed up till 430am last night/this morning working on stuff here at work. i'm finally done.)

good bye leaves. good bye lesions. good bye lab.

peace out. i'll see you on the flip side.

i love this, i need this

i needed something to cheer me up and this was just the thing. went to visit an old teammate of mine who lives on a ranch and they just had a litter of puppies. i have never seen anything so small or cute in my entire life.

a heads up to my fellow blog readers: as of tuesday evening, i will be unemployed. so i likely won't be blogging much due to my lack of computer at home. but please still write me. i need the positive encouragement. the last day and a half have been bad. i'm all emotional because of this job thing. if you come upon any job opportunities, let me know. i'll blog you soon.

terrible horrible no good very bad day

it isn't even that bad. just feel like i've got the pedal to the metal and my brain is tired and i'm crabby. i think my back hurts, my wrist hurts, and i'm hungry, thirsty, maybe i have low blood sugar (learned about mood changes in first aid class) so who knows what is wrong with me but i'm not very much fun right now. kinda screwed up a couple of things at work, nothing bad, and i'm feeling warm. and i know it's not pms, that was 2 weeks ago or something.

calgon take me away!

wait, i don't have a bathtub. dang.

things i like, version 1.0

well stan has this whole likes dislikes list going, and it got me thinking about how there are so many things in this life that i like. so i started with today, just going about my business, finding things i liked. so here you go, in case you were interested.

1. toast with butter and honey
2. milk
3. chai tea
4. snacks
5. potatoes
6. buffalo wings
7. spicy sauces
8. craft projects
9. check lists
10. accomplishing tasks
11. sleeping in
12. turtles
13. friends
14. backrubs
15. emails/letters from long lost pals
16. writing down my thoughts
17. cold water
18. hot showers
19. cheese
20. making cds
21. listening to music
22. organizing / sorting / cataloging things
23. teammates
24. rugby
    
25. typing fast
26. using shortcut keys on the computer
27. photography
28. colors
29. different colored writing utensils
30. music
31. dancing
32. fonts
33. crazy hair
34. nice smelling bath and body products
35. sincerity and openness
36. road trips / traveling
37. camping
    
38. spontaneity!

repeatedly crushed and maimed - hope you enjoy it!

*sigh*
today i spent the whole day at work cleaning out the shed. that's not entirely true. first i had lunch. then cleaned out the shed. and let me tell you, IT WAS GREAT. along with my 'feeling the same way about work' coworker, we took all the jugs, buckets, pvc pipe, boxes, tools, trinkets, junk, tape, bottles, maps, plastic sheeting, chicken wire, and whatever else was in the shed out of the shed, sorted it, chucked the stuff that we deemed un-useful at this point, and put it all back in so orderly, you wouldn't even know it was the same shed. i wish i took a before and after photo, but i didn't. you'll just have to take my word for it that you couldn't actually get anything out of there unless it was right on top or in the front.

in other news i'm still looking for a job.

in yet other news, i have been officially and intentionally forgotten about. and that hurts a lot.

in other, more happy news, i went to steep ravine this past weekend with my friend shelley, and it was a girls weekend (with 3 of her other friends) and it was MAGNIFICENT. wonderful time. i'm posting photos i'm so excited.