the hardest goodbye

last days are weird, i've decided. it seems strange to me that i'm the only one working, and it's me that's leaving. everyone else has gone off to some meeting or to do some other work. so it's just me. by myself. kinda lonely.

i think if he could have helped it, my boss wouldn't have said goodbye to me at all. he was lucky i was in the lab for the 2 seconds he passed through.

this other woman in the lab, who has never gotten a single joke or wise crack i've ever told, said goodbye and was off to work on a grant proposal. i gave her a hug and turned away. i got choked up because she was supportive of me, even though it always seemed fake. people think i misread other people. but they're wrong.

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the last person i said goodbye to was shelley. she was procrastinating leaving to drive back to SF, and procrastinating saying goodbye because she knew it would be hard for both of us (i'm tearing up as i write this right now).

and it's not like we're never going to see each other again - i still plan to keep in touch with her, go on crazy outdoor adventures, have snacks, talk about guys, etc. it's just the change of environment. i won't be here every day to chat with, to share stories with, to laugh with. i won't be here to go run get coffee real quick with, or to go get lunch with on a whim, or to help out with a project she could really use an extra hand with. she and i have gotten to be good, maybe even very good friends in the last year. and saying goodbye (choking up) was just so hard.

she gave me a hug and hugged me the hardest anyone that small has ever hugged me (she is a rock climber with a very high metabolism, and she's super strong). she has been there for me a lot these past few months and has listened to all my drama as i have listened to hers (wiping away tears)(sniffle) anyhow, we hugged for a good 5-10 minutes. the tears were flowing down my face and into her hair. hers were flowing onto my shoulder. we stood there embraced in the lab not wanting to let go.

i know i need to leave because it will be good for me to move onto something new, but to leave her behind in this lab where people don't understand her like i do, don't care about her like i do, well, that's the hardest part of this goodbye.

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i didn't turn in my keys today so i will have to come back and do it tomorrow. but by now it's 135am and i'm just too tired to write anything else (stayed up till 430am last night/this morning working on stuff here at work. i'm finally done.)

good bye leaves. good bye lesions. good bye lab.

peace out. i'll see you on the flip side.