best compliment in recent memory

first of all, i completely forgot to mention that i danced to wild asparagus both monday and tuesday nights. first in corvallis, where some eugene people and even some portland people came to the dance. it was a great night, and i got to dance with a LOT of my favorite people. some even twice. and a great hambo and fantastic waltz. afterward, i joined the group that went to mcmenimans, even though it was a 'school' night. ate some tots and wings and generally chatted it up with whomever was there. got home late, but full and happy.

tuesday night it was back to portland, and while there, i saw some people that were at the dance camp over the weekend. note, i wasn't at the camp weekend, but they were from far away places and the only reason they would still be in portland by tuesday was because they had been in oregon over the weekend. anyway, one of them in particular, who i hadn't seen since, maybe, april, saw me and said, "you've lost weight!" and i replied, "yes, but not of my own accord" and he said, "i'm sorry to hear that." later he said to me, "i'm sorry you were unwell." and i said, no, that wasn't it. but rather, that breakups do that to a person. and he said, "well i love you anyway!" and gave me a big bear hug. it was very sweet.

he was not the first person to have noticed my weight loss. but i hadn't even really noticed it, aside from the fact that my pants are now starting to fit again. apparently it was noticeable as soon as a week after the breakup.

breakups are tough, and when paired with having to move all your stuff out of a house and having a long, stressful week at work, it's a wonder i was able to eat anything at all. people, the next weekend, said to me, "girl, are you eating?" and i wondered how they could notice this change in me so quickly. i said, "yes, but i'm stressed at work and stuff." and truthfully, i wasn't eating much or very well. they said, "well you've lost a lot of weight." now, i'm not sure, but i don't think a person can lose a lot of weight in just one week. sure you might lose a pound or two, probably from not eating, not drinking water, not sleeping, or possibly a tapeworm, but when i hear "a lot" in this case, i'm thinking 40-50lbs. and there's no way i lost that much that fast, and still fit into the same clothing.

it's hard to see it in yourself when you see yourself every day. i noticed, as recently as a year ago, that my pants were starting to get snug. i decided this year, i was going to do something about it. and so i'd given up eating dessert after dinner. i've probably gone back on my resolution about a dozen times over the year, but still, i've been really dilligent. and i think it's helped a lot, as i'm back into my pants, comfortably, again. but i have not lost a lot of weight.

at a dance camp at the end of summer, i wore a tank top (which is almost unheard of in the dance community, they know me as 'tie dye') which was slightly more form fitting than the usual t-shirts i generally wear. people were saying, "oh my god, i didn't even recognize you!" and "wow, you look great!" and "you lost a lot of weight! like 30-40lbs, right?" and i said, sorry folks, no, i didn't lose THAT much weight. maybe 10lbs or something, tops.

but perhaps it all came off my face. or maybe i looked younger after getting out of a relationship that i felt was destroying my inner soul and not letting me be me. i'm sure some of it came off other places, but i assure you, it's not that much.

the best compliment, however, getting back to the point of the story, was not about that. the last contra dance of the evening tuesday night, i danced with someone a lot shorter than me, and someone i thought of as a person who would do 'tricks' while dancing. like twirling me in an unconventional way, or trying out other moves, as in couples dancing or whatever. some of his movements were subtle, and some were more obvious. but either way, i had to try to remind myself over and over to let myself be lead. it is not easy for me, when most men won't lead me, or i try to fight them when they do something i'm not ready for, or i misread their lead and do something weird instead of what they were trying to get me to do.

at the end of our dance, he looked at me and beamed, saying, "you are SUCH a good follow! you did every little thing i thought of, you caught every nuance!" i was feeling pretty proud of myself at this point and i said, "thank you very much, i had a lot of fun dancing with you." and he said, "this was the highlight of my evening. the best dance of the night!" and i thought he might be laying it on a bit thick, but he did ask me to waltz. i declined as i already had a waltz partner, but i left him thinking, "wow, have i really come that far? am i really a good follow, finally?" i'm not as good as some of the other dancers in our community. there are certainly far better (and better looking!) ladies in the group that are just amazing dancers. i tip my hat to them, i envy them, i strive to be more like them. maybe these baby steps are leading somewhere...

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gym report:

after yesterday's severe regiment of strength conditioning class, i'm almost unable to walk today. lots of stiffness and soreness. too many squats and lunges. certain ways i step make me fear my knee might go backwards. going upstairs is difficult. going downstairs is almost impossible. sara wasn't feeling well again, so i decided that i'd go easy on myself and go swimming instead.

16 laps (32 lengths)

4 kicking with kickboard
4 breast stroke
4 backstroke
4 sidestroke

after all this, i was very warm. slightly less stiff, but still sore. i'm sure it helped. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow.

need to get:
swim cap
wax earplugs
goggles
flip flops

weight: 168.2 (weighed wet and with clothes on)

stomper: i didn't even go upstairs to look for her.